I don't need a book. Just give me country lyrics!

I just spent a girls weekend in Palm Springs and was able to reflect on a few things while being secluded from guys.  I loved my weekend away and I love that I have such strong women in my life who aren't afraid to tell me things I need to hear.  I don't know what I said but one friend made a comment, "you and your singleness!"  I know I am verbal about the fact that I would like a boyfriend but I have never put myself in the person's shoes that has to listen to me whine!  I think what I learned this weekend though will help me with my "singleness".

A few lessons learned this month.

I LOVE country music! It’s sappy, the instruments are beautiful, the deep, husky voice are amazing (yes, I know those who disagree) and it’s sappy...did I mention that already?  Now, I know I am weird because I don’t want anyone actually saying those things to me but I wouldn’t mind having someone think of me when they hear those lyrics...confused yet?

I love the Love and Theft song, “If You Ever Get Lonely”.  It’s such a heart-wrenching song but I love the passion behind it.  My favorite stanza is

But I keep listenin'
'Cause I never had a choice when it came to you

I don’t ever want someone to have a love for me that I can’t return but I love that it’s an all-in kind of love.  While I could put myself in his shoes and say, “Dang, why doesn’t so-and-so reciprocate my love?” I flip it and I imagine God singing it to me.  The song means so much more that way.  “Cause I never had a choice when it came to you,”...that line knocks me flat.  God has such an unfathomable love for me.  I don’t have children but I know that the moment I held my nephews or met my niece for the first time, I was in love.  It wasn’t even a fair fight because there is no bone in my body that doesn’t love them.  That is the same way with God.  I am HIS creation.  Every one of my genes was hand made by him.  How could he have any other choice than to love me with everything he has?

Because I interpret the previous verse that way, the chorus hits me hard

But if you ever get lonely
And you miss me
If you need someone to listen
Even if it's only 
The sound of someone's voice who loves you
That you need to hear
You know where to find me 
If you ever get lonely 

I can be so selfish with my time and go days without giving God any of it.  While he waits there patiently, he is constantly calling out to me, asking me to give him even the tiniest bit of my attention.  And even when I do, I am still being selfish because it’s a one sided conversation.  I go to him with all of the things I am upset about or with ideas of how my life could be better.  Even after all of this, he still wants me to call on him because all he wants is time with me.  Eventually, my selfishness turns to thanks and praise because he does listen and provides me with what I need.  He is so good!

Another lesson I have learned this month is that I am not a fighter...when it comes to guys.  I will not fight for a guy...1) because if the guy I am interested in wants to go for the other girl, I don’t want him anyway!  and 2) I am worth fighting for.  I am old school.  I want to be pursued and I think I am worthy of pursuing.  God has pursued my heart so why shouldn’t a guy do the same?

Jeremiah 31:3

Before this month started, I stopped seeing a guy who I was really starting to like.  We didn't know each other for that long but we had a connection that doesn't come around often.  The problem though, was that he is not a Christian and refused to go to church.  I respect that and understand that church is not for everyone but ultimately, I am looking for a guy that wants to share that passion with me.  After some discussion, we decided it was best to cut ties.  It hurt but I was excited to go into the month without any distractions.  I was going to read the book my friend and I are studying together and was ready to put God first, pushing guys out of my mind....right....like that was going to last long!

Already, I have seen how Satan is at work and the sad part is, he is winning.  He has me totally distracted with the guys he is placing in my life.  However, I am completely aware and awakened to his schemes.  Why waste my time on relationships that, if I was honest, I know are not going to pan out?  I know who I am in the Lord and I know that God has the best in mind for me so I will no longer give the enemy that chance to swoop in and make me feel unworthy and vulnerable.

The book we are reading is written for girls way younger than me but it has some good points here and there.  As I continue to read it, I will approach it with a new heart.  I have high expectations of the guy I know I deserve but I also need to become the person he deserves as well.  This transformation is going to take sacrifice and it's going to mean denying my fleshly desires but when I think about what I will gain in the process, it trumps everything I am giving up!

If someone told you one day, "I have loved you, with an everlasting love.  With unfailing love, I have drawn you to myself," you would think that was pretty romantic right?  Who doesn't want someone to love them with an "everlasting" and "unfailing" love?  This is what God promises us in Jeremiah 31:3 and this is going to be the verse I meditate on the rest of this month.  This is the love I want to experience and I can by drawing closer to him.  With a love that intense, I can be certain that He only wants what is best for me and I am trusting in that.

Last Month...Oops!

So last month I didn't even post!  My challenge was to get bikini ready....reality was, I started stress eating instead!  I did run a total of three times and do a 10 minutes workout video to forward my progress!  Lame!  But I am going to step it up....bikini shopping was HORRIBLE the other day at Target.

As for this month, my friend and I have made a pact to give up dating for the month!  She is a little skeptical at my commitment and we have talked about modifications for me.  The point of all of this is to become more focused and dependent on God.  So even if modifications need to be made, my goal for this month is to make God my number one priority.  He knows what is best for me so I just have to be prayerful and trust in that!